First of all, I’m torn between apologizing for the absence and saying thank you for all your generous support.
Secondly, yes, I’m still here.
Thirdly, I’ll explain to you what was the cause of the absence and the possible direction I’m going to bring this to so that you guys can benefit from your stay here.
Wow…where do I start. Maybe I could start off from a very bad experience dealing with a business related issue, causing me a downward spiral into a hole where I wonder what on earth am I doing? To cut the long story short, I started to question a lot of things – What am I doing and why?
At that time, I was still thinking that I should be going into the life coaching line and conduct meditation workshops to uplift people to be “better dimension”. As much “positive content” I was posting online, I was really struggling on the inside. I forced myself to behave in a “positive” and “spiritual” way and my God it felt horrible. I chastised myself for uttering vulgarities and feeling low.
Deep down, I strongly felt something was missing. This missing hole became so huge that I ended up seeing a life coach cum therapist.
Fortunately, I was glad that the life coach cum therapist was a very amazing one. A lot of my preconceptions on life were heavily shakened and I could see through the illusions of the “self-help” industry and even “spiritual” community. I started to realize that all along I thought through going into this industry is the ONLY way I could uplift humanity. I was wrong. I realized that a lot of “positive” material that I’ve been getting from elsewhere, including my ex-mentors were just a projection of themselves, their experiences, ego and insecurities. I realized that in this life, there is no one size fit all solution to how we should live our live and perhaps, maybe perhaps, the solution lies within.
I started to reconnect with my original passion for the performing arts and writing by signing up for stand up comedy open mics, story slams (which I actually got paid for one of them!), as well as poetry slams. I’ve just entered the Singapore Monologue Slam too. For once, I felt like ME again. I felt human again. I felt my Chakras more aligned in some way or other. Oh yes, don’t even get me started on me starting to reapply for acting jobs and staying up all night to practice my American accent as I’m hatching a plan to break into the voiceover industry! (p.s. My American/Canadian friends, who wants to have a fun chat with me over skype? I’ll get my practice and you’ll get a free listening ear to what you have to share. Just saying! Hehe!) Honestly, I’m not sure if this is something I like to do for the next decade, but I feel light when I do these. I realized that these outlets provided a much more comfortable way for me to express my viewpoints of the world, rather than an article that says, “this is how I live my life, so follow it.” Because at the end of the day, our origins are different and our definition of it are different.
Hence, this is one possible direction that I may take this group to. I’m more than likely not be doing the regular post on “how one should live their lives” or listicles. My wish is that you could get the same epiphany as me while I’m doing my performances, or when I was seeing my life coach cum therapist – That you will start to realize and accept that you are human. That you will start to realize that you’re still a human even if you’re a 30 something who doesn’t know what you want to do. That you’re still a human even if you done something terrible like yelling at your kids. That you’re still a human even if you feel ugly because popular media has been lampooning on your ethnic group.
My message for you in a nutshell – You may have flaws, but you’re still a human. I’m just here to remind you of that and perhaps, you may feel better about it.
If you need some “Super shortcuts to success” or “Positive Thinking Formula”, there’s lots of other website and forums which do a better job than I. I will not tell you what to do. I have great faith in your intuition and intellect to discover the best answer for yourself through my literature.
Hence, I’m exploring the possibility post up my literary works, which include thoughts, poetry or maybe even prose. If there’s something too sensitive that I don’t wish to disclose, I might disguise it as a play or a short story, leaving you guys to figure out if the protagonist is me or just a composite character based on my observations.
Depending on my schedule and the response from you guys, I may start accepting works from you and curate an online literary group to help us remind and celebrate our humanhood.
Do give me some time to work things out. The above is just a draft and I certainly can’t promise that everything will be executed as mentioned. I’ve been through 2 major burnouts this year and I am also setting aside energy and time to go ginger with myself. Thank you for your patience.
Once again, please enjoy your stay and may your stay remind yourself how that you’re a human.